Love Poetry And Letters 8

~There is so much I want to say to you. So much that I can’t even think straight to put it into words. I always loved you from the moment I first saw you. You told me I had the biggest influence on your life of anyone you’d ever met. You told me you loved me so much and you wanted to get married. But you told me you were stupid for still being with me. Even though we weren’t even together.
You have hurt me more than anyone else in this world ever has or probably ever will. I told you over and over all I wanted was to be with you and for you to just want to be with me. Did you ever actually want to be with just me? Or was it only when I started to find someone else? I’ve been in love with you for the past 2 years and you supposedly felt the same. But why is it so easy for you to be done with me? Why didn’t you ever want to make things right? What is wrong with you?
How can one person be capable of causing so much pain and hurt but get so much love in return? All I ever wanted was you. Just you. Every horrible, awful thing you did to me meant nothing when we were together because all I felt then was love. Love knows no wrong. But you couldn’t do it anymore. And as badly as I wish every day that you will call me or talk to me, please don’t. I never want to see you ever again. With each day that goes by it’s easier for me to feel nothing and each day I PRAY that I feel nothing, and that I fall out of this ridiculous love that I’m in.
But maybe I’m not meant to. Maybe this is the time for us to grow ourselves before we can grow together. Maybe you were never ready to be in a relationship with me in the first place. Maybe I’m crazy.
For the past two years, I have found it odd the things I have done for you; things that I would have undoubtedly complained about normally suddenly became effortless, I wanted to do these things because I knew they would make you happy. All of the sudden my happiness seemed to largely depend on yours, my sadness likewise. I have noticed myself enjoying things because you enjoy them, wanting to tag along for your ridiculous adventures even though I’ve had far more important things to do. I’ve seen myself drop what I’m doing when you tell me you need me, and I’ve learned to love dogs! I have found a level of comfort with you that I never knew existed; I realized in instances that I can be completely self-less. All of these things were new to me, and I didn’t know why they were happening. This new level of tolerance that I have reached in realization that there are exceptions to the rules when you love someone. All of the sudden songs that I’ve known for years have a whole new meaning. I feel myself missing you only moments after you leave, I can’t even picture a tomorrow without you in it. Days when I tell myself we must go our separate ways are quickly replaced by nights tangled in your arms. You have changed my life; you’ve taught me what it means to love someone unconditionally, no matter what no matter when, you have revealed to me my own ability to give my heart away on accident with out any expectations. You have set the bar for what I will always look for in someone to love. I will not blame you for breaking my heart because without you I may never have known how it felt to have a full heart.
I’ll always believe in you. Love u….
~Its been five years. Five years since I first met you. Five years since we “dated” for those three weeks. In those five years, you’ve always been in the back of my head.
I remember three years ago when we used to talk for hours every night. I remember knowing then. I remember knowing how much I still felt, after two years without you. I guess in those three weeks five years ago I fell for you. Hard.
And now here we are. Together. Again. This time I hope its for real. Because after spending all these years dreaming of you, and missing you, I don’t know if I could handle losing you.
And although there’s about 400 miles separating us right now, I have more faith in us then I’ve ever had in any relationship I’ve been in.
In twenty-one days I get to see you. I can’t stop counting and thinking just how much I miss you. It hasn’t even been a week since I saw you last.
I know now why every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve wrecked in some way. I’ve been pining for you for so long. And I hope like hell I don’t find a way to ruin this, because I feel as if this is the most real thing I’ve ever experienced.
And although I can’t say it to you, I fucking love you. I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I’ve probably loved you all this time. And even though I can’t say it to you yet, out of fear its way too soon, I know I do.