Love Poetry And Letters 7


~i wish i could make things less complicated between us. i wish i could tell you that i’ve been waiting for you for over a year for you and now i that finally found someone else, being with him makes me feel more confident around you and also kind of angry. it makes me want to yell at you and pummel your chest and tell you that i’ve been waiting, always fucking waiting, always hoping you would see that i have been silently loving you this whole time. it makes me want to just smile and tell you that now that now that i have someone, i can finally just be upfront with you: i love you romantically and non-romantically, and i will probably still love you romantically for at least a little bit longer.
i told you once that i worry that if i don’t end up with an ex, i will always think of him, but i also worry that i won’t ever be able to let go of you either. echoes of you reverberate everywhere. you somehow got built into the fiber of my life in this city, and it’s both comforting and awful. i can’t ever escape you; because you have been my friend, my boss, my pseudo-therapist, the man i was dating, my source of advice, and so much more, i can’t bring myself to imagine an existence without you. i want to bring you closer and push you away, and both hurt unimaginably.
now that i have someone else, i thought it would be freeing for me to tell you how i’ve always felt. but when i tried, i found all the old fears again. i don’t know if you feel the same way, or what you will think of me after you find out the unadulterated truth. i think that you know that i have some feelings for you, but if you find out all of them, i am afraid of what you will think. maybe i’m afraid to know for certain that you don’t love me back.
whatever the fears, whatever the history, and whatever the future, i want to write you a love letter. i want to tell you that i can still feel the sensation of wrapping my arms around you from behind. i can still remember what it was like to wrap my arms around your bicep and cling to you as we watched a concert or walked down the street. i can still taste just a little bit of your kisses. maybe someday i will forget the crinkle of your eyes, your throaty laugh, the red-blondness of your hair, and the way you wear your shirts. but even if i forget, i will always remember how my life here felt molded around you. i don’t want to let go.I love you for reasons still entirely unknown to me…
I loved the way your whispers always found my ear. The way you spoke with your hands even when they were mixed up in mine. The way you could explode originality onto a sheet of paper. The times you danced like we were living in another age. The way my deepest fears and wonders could slip so easily into you. The way you always left me needing more.
I miss you more than the one I should be missing. I long for your tingles when I should be enjoying the touch of another. My mind keeps begging my heart to forget you; my heart longs to sever the ties that bind me to the reasons I should let you go. If I could really have one thing in this world, it would be your love. It would be all I’d ever need.
Don’t ask how I know. Sometimes you just have to trust your heart.
I’m gonna be in love with you. Forever.
~my first night here i met no one i could converse with. no one i admired. no one who could make me want to stay here. i was planning my transfer sitting alone smoking cigarettes. then you came along. we talked. we laughed. and i, i fell in love. you entranced me, and still do. i still have a twinkle in my eye whenever i get the pleasure of talking about you, which, i may add, is often. you make me feel alive and that i can take on every towering mountain in the distance with ease. i love you for more than all the stars in the sky. as i told you today, i love you more than the ground; it’s because with you, i walk on air.

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