Most people have heard
that “playing hard to get”
is an essential part of
dating. Our friends, movies
(Swingers, He’s Just Not
That into You), television
shows (Sex and the City,
Entourage, Friends), and
advice books reinforce the
concept of “playing hard to
get” over and over, where
it seems to be a
when dating. On one hand,
you do not want to seem
too eager or overzealous
about a new person
because you might be
perceived as desperate or
annoying. On the other
hand, if they have not
communicated with you for
over two weeks or after
calling them two or three
times (and why three?) then
they are probably just not
that into you (and not just
“playing hard to get”). So
where does that leave
you? Is the principle of
“playing hard to get” really
a dating essential and does
it really work? Do we have
to jump through the hoops
of “playing hard to get”
even if we like the other
Should I “play hard to
If you are a woman,
surveys say yes. These
studies have found that
women who are physically
attractive, appear healthy
and youthful, and are
“hard to get” correlates
with them being
reproductively valuable to
men. In other words,
“playing hard to get” is a
tactic used by women that
show men that they are
something to be valued and
therefore are more
desirable to men. Women
that “play hard to get”
give the appearance that
they are more selective in
choosing a mate and will not
just date (or for that matter
mate) just any guy. We
know from
earlier blogs
how high-maintenance
women use this tactic in
This theory suggests that
“playing hard to get”
functions to test a man’s
motivation, ability to invest
resources (time, money,
effort, etc.), and/or a sign
of his fidelity. Therefore it
is reasonable to assume
that “playing hard to get”
is a beneficial tactic for
women to use.
But what about men,
should they play hard
to get?
A new study by
Whitchurch , Wilson, and
Gilbert (2011) on
uncertainty and romantic
attraction would also say
affirmative. They found that
women were most attracted
to men when they were
uncertain of whether these
men liked them in return. In
this study, the researchers
told the women that men
from different universities
rated their Facebook
profiles. The researchers
informed the women that
they were rated based on
the degree to which the
men thought they would get
along with each woman (but
what the women did not
know was that these men
and their Facebook profiles
were fictitious). The women
in this study were either
told that the four male
profiles they were
examining were men that
liked them best, liked them
an average amount, or in
the uncertain condition
(which meant that the men
either liked them the best
or liked them an average
amount, and the women
were unaware of what the
men had rated them). The
study found that the women
were most attracted to the
men when they did not
know how they were rated
(aka the uncertain
condition). Also the women
in the uncertain condition
reported thinking about the
men the most and it is
suggested that this
enhanced their attraction
toward these men. It is
proposed that the reason
for this increased attraction
is that the women might
have spent more time
thinking about these men
and wondering how the men
felt about them. This study
suggests that men who
create a sense of
uncertainty (kept the
woman they are dating
guessing about how they
feel about them), can
actually increase that
woman’s interest.
So what does this
mean for me in the
dating world?
It means that if you are a
woman you can maximize
the chances of getting into
a relationship by valuing
your self-worth and
“playing hard to get.” You
can do this by not being
overly available and
having (or just appearing
to have) other male
options. For men, it means
that you should not
immediately tell the woman
you are dating that you like
her and leave your feelings
about her a mystery for
awhile. By leaving your
feelings a mystery she may
think about you more and
therefore be more attracted
to you. Of course if both
women and men play
hard to get then there will
be no chance of anyone
getting together. So please
“play hard to get”


2 thoughts on “GAME OF HARD TO GET

  1. Pingback: The One Essential Tip To Attract Women | A Dating Dogs Blog

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