Women’s Thoughts on Men


Perfect numbers like
perfect men are very rare.
Men are simple things. They
can survive a whole
weekend with only three
things: beer, boxer shorts
and batteries for the
remote control.
Behind every successful
man there is a surprised
woman.
To attract men, I wear a
perfume called ‘New Car
Interior’.
I never hated a man
enough to give him his
diamonds back.
My mom said the only
reason men are alive is for
lawn care and vehicle
maintenance.
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
All men are not homeless,
but some men are home
less than others.
Men can read maps better
than women. Cause only the
male mind could conceive of
one inch equaling a
hundred miles
If you never want to see a
man again, say, ‘I love you,
I want to marry you. I want
to have children…’ – they
leave skid marks.
There are three stages of
man: He believes in Santa
Claus; he doesn’t believe in
Santa Claus; he is Santa
Claus.
Women now have choices.
They can be married, not
married, have a job, not
have a job, be married with
children, unmarried with
children. Men have the
same choice we’ve always
had: work or prison.
The best way to get a man
to do something is to
suggest they are too old
for it.
You know when you put a
stick in water and it looks
bent ? That’s why I never
take baths.
A man in the house is worth
two in the street.
A genius is a man who can
rewrap a new shirt and not
have any pins left over.
The quickest way to a
man’s heart is through his
chest.
Young men think old men
are fools; but old men know
young men are fools.
Give a man a free hand and
he’ll run it all over you.
I only like two kinds of men,
domestic and foreign.
A woman without a man is
like a fish without a bicycle.
Men who don’t understand
women fall into two groups:
Bachelors and Husbands.
Man has will, but woman
has her way.
If you want something said,
ask a man; if you want
something done, ask a
woman.
When women are
depressed they either eat
or go shopping. Men invade
another country.
Women don’t make fools of
men most of them are the
“do-it-yourself” types.
Men are like dogs. They
keep coming back. Ladies
are like cats. Yell at a cat
one time…they’re gone.
You see a lot of smart guys
with dumb women, but you
hardly ever see a smart
woman with a dumb guy.
A gentleman is simply a
patient wolf.
Any woman can fool a man if
she wants to and if he’s in
love with her.
Men are liars. We’ll lie
about lying if we have to.
I’m an algebra liar. I figure
two good lies make a
positive.
Never trust a husband too
far or a bachelor too near.
To a woman the first kiss is
just the end of the
beginning but to a man it is
the beginning of the end.
To be happy with a man
you must understand him a
lot and love him a little. To
be happy with a woman you
must love her a lot and not
try to understand her at all.
You know, men and women
are a lot alike in certain
situations. Like when
they’re both on fire –
they’re exactly alike.
All modern men are
descended from a worm-
like creature, but it shows
more on some people.
There are two things that
will be believed of any man
whatsoever, and one of
them is that he has taken
to drink
If a woman has to choose
between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant’s life,
she will choose to save the
infant’s life without even
considering if there are
men on base.
Men marry women with the
hope they will never
change. “Women marry men
with the hope they will
change. “And they are both
disappointed.”
Eighty percent of married
men cheat in America. The
rest cheat in Europe.
I think men who have a
pierced ear are better
prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain
and bought jewelry.

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