SECRET RELATIONSHIPS


In only the most extreme
cases can I see the
necessity of maintaining a
secret relationship. By
secret relationship, I mean
hiding a relationship you
are in that you are building
something meaningful in
and/or desire to continue
to build something
meaningful in the
relationship. Moreover, by
secret relationship, I mean
those relationships where a
person refers to another
person in intentionally
ambiguous terms to keep
the person’s identity
veiled, but still keeps
alluding to that person with
such fondness. To go even
further, by secret
relationship, I mean any
relationship where one is
not publically transparent
about the individual he or
she is in a relationship with.
Sometimes these secret
relationships are nothing
more than “invisible
relationships,” that is,
non-existent relationships.
Many people who maintain
secret relationships will
publically share with us a
significant amount of
personal information, but
will not share with us at
least the simple identity of
the person who they are in
a relationship with.
Therefore, for these
people to try to claim that
the reason why they are
not public about the
relationship they are in is
due to a desire to protect
the privacy of the
relationship, I would have
to contend that their
position is quite
contradictory.
It seems to me if you have
a strong fondness for a
person and/or want to
develop something even
more substantive with a
person, you would naturally
divulge the identity of the
person you are in a
relationship with. If the
person is making you feel
this good, then why is his
or her name left
undisclosed? I’m not saying
that a relationship is not
valid that is not publically
promulgated, but what I’m
saying (or at least trying to
understand) is why is there
a need to keep the name of
the person you are in a
relationship undisclosed
when you are so public
when it comes to alluding to
this person?
What are you hiding?
Although I recognize some
of the strengths of a
relationship that is kept
tremendously private
without people ever
knowing the folk are in a
relationship, I would like to
express that there are
some weaknesses to these
secret relationships. When
you don’t identify the
person you are in a
relationship with, even
before you consider
yourself in a relationship
with the person, you run
the risk of not learning
things about the person
you need to know that he
or she will not tell you.
Personally, I know people
who are in secret
relationships and it’s
resulting in them not
learning things about the
people they are in a
relationship with that would
cause them to no longer
desire to be in a
relationship with those
people. Sometimes your
secret relationships are not
so secretive. However,
because people will respect
your desire to keep your
relationship a “secret,”
they will pretend that they
don’t know you who you
are in a relationship with.
By pretending like they
don’t know who you are in
a relationship with, they
feel like they have to
withhold vital information
from you. One guy I know
who’s in a secret
relationship is involved
with a girl who tried to
holla’ at his very close
friend and has had sex
with another one of his
good friends and still is
having sex with her
because the good friend
does not know a
relationship exists. From
my experience and vantage
point, being secretive and
silent does not prove
beneficial inevitably.
By having a secret
relationship, you prevent
yourself from receiving
some much needed
relationship advice. You
won’t receive any
relationship advice because
no one knows about your
relationship or does not
know who you are in a
relationship with.
Furthermore, being in a
secret relationship can be
tremendously dangerous. If
people don’t know you are
in a relationship with a
person, then they never
know about you possibly
being in danger by this
person. They don’t know
what the person looks like,
and don’t know that you
may be spending time with
this person in a private
place that’s totally isolated
from everyone who knows
you. This is a perfect storm
for disaster to evolve.
What are reasons why
secret relationships
continue to persist? What
do you consider to be
extreme cases in our
contemporary period where
secret relationships are
necessary? Do you think
that it’s necessary for a
person to reveal who he or
she is in a relationship
with?

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One thought on “SECRET RELATIONSHIPS

  1. Pingback: song: “pretend (to be alright)” « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci

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