1. “I’m
totally just
looking to
have fun”
She’s not lying when she
says she wants to have
fun. However in this
context “have fun” means
have a committed
relationship and turn into

the type of couple that
sends out funny-face Xmas
cards. So that’s why she
gets mad when you choose
to only communicate with
her at 2 a.m by sending
classy texts that say “wat
r u up 2?” Avoid this
confusion by telling her that
you aren’t looking for fun
in any shape or form,
you’re just looking to have
sex, straight-up no
commitment sex.
2. “I’ll just
have a
She might just order a
salad but that doesn’t mean
she’s not craving a a blue-
double-cheeseburger with
a side of onion rings
smothered in full-fat
ketchup. It’s more like she
doesn’t want you to think
she’s disgusting for eating
solid foods. But eating a
salad when she really
craves more will only lead
her to eye-fuck your
dinner until you offer her a
bite. Easily solve this
problem by making sure to
only dine at restaurants
that don’t serve salads or
sides of vegetables — such
as the always trendy
Popeye’s or heart-healthy
3. “I’m too
Sure, sometimes women
really are too tired to do
anything crazy in bed. But
other times they’re using
tired as a euphemism for
being crampy or bloated or
even worse — unshaven.
Unless you’re dating
(paying for) a call girl, it’s
pretty rare that a woman
will just turn down sex. So
save yourself some
embarrassment by not
trying to encourage her to
hook-up when she claims
shes exhausted. Instead
help her feel useful in other
areas by offering to let her
cook dinner and/or give
you a massage.
4. “Let’s go
to the
Perhaps she really does
want to see the latest box-
office hit sequel. But more
likely she wants to spend
time with you without
having to force
conversation and struggle
to come up with small-talk
topics. Watching a movie
not only takes the
pressure off of both of you
to speak, but the trailers
also offer an opportunity to
whisper into each other’s
ears “that looks good” or
“Tim Allen is still making
movies?” So take the next
step in the relationship, put
Fandango on speed dial,
buy every possible concert
ticket, and plan every date
so that you never have to
actually have a full
5. “I’m
always on
She’s practically begging
you to read between the
lines and friend her
immediately – like get out
your iPhone, pick up your
Blackberry, plug in your
desktop computer and click
add friend. One of the first
questions girls ask each
other after meeting
someone is “did he friend
you” — so she doesn’t
want to disappoint them
(herself) by having to say
no. If you’re feeling extra-
generous then go all out by
friending her, poking her,
and sending her endless
invitations to harvest
crops together on
6. “It’s
totally not
you, I’m just
super busy
with work
It is totally you. No woman
(worth spending time with)
chooses work over a man
and you will only feel stupid
if you wait around a few
months until works “calms
down.” So don’t embarrass
yourself further by sending
chain fwd’s to her work e-
mail to cheer her up while
she “works long hours.”
Beat her at her own game
by telling her that this is
really awkward, but in your
case, it is her, definitely
her without a doubt, can’t
blame yourself for her.
7. “I don’t
mind when
you play
Actually it’s opposite day.
She minds…a lot. No girl
wants to watch you sit
crouched over making
sound effects noises while
simultaneously telling her to
shut-up every time she
talks– just so you can
concentrate. Improve your
relationship by taking a
short break every few
hours and asking her easy
no-brainer questions like
“doing okay?” or “would
you like to finish doing my
laundry for me since you’re
sitting there doing nothing.”



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