She gets her first
boyfriend. He’s been
carefully selected by
“mother” and her “best
friend”. He fits the mold, he
is strong, he has direction,
he is socially very well
adapted, he makes good
grades, he is going
“somewhere”. He drives up
in his convertible (which
“dad” bought for him last
year), wearing something
very conservative and
trustworthy – perhaps a
letter jacket, or a v-neck
sweater. He greets
“mother” with a white-
smile, and she comments
“We’ve heard so many
great things about you”. He
answers with a blush, and
greets dad on the sofa who
grumbles something about
“having her back by 10,
young man”. He politely
obliges, and opens the
door for the two to leave.
She feels a rush of
excitement, to finally be
alone with a boy.
They go to the local pizza
parlor, and share a pie.
They have a wondrous
conversation…she begins
to feel something different…
he likes “me”, they way he
looks at me, the way he
smiles at me, the way he is
so polite…he likes “me”.
They get in the car, as it is
nearing “10pm”, and he
takes her home – they kiss
in the car – and she feels
that rush of emotion that
she has so been craving…
he’s a “gentleman” and
walks her to the door, much
to the delight of “mother”
and “dad”.
She rushes to school the
next day, and tells her
friends all that happened.
Some are happy for her,
the others are jealous.
Slowly rumors fill the air.
And as they move, these
rumors, vicious as they
are, fall further and further
from the truth. She feels
her heart close, at mere
mention of her behavior in
the halls. However, she
likes the boy, as he does
her. They continue to date
and, eventually have sex.
Again, rumors swirl. His
accomplishment is her
failure. She quietly weeps
inside. He proudly walks
with her through the halls.
As much as she might not
care to admit it, the rumors
It doesn’t work out. He
cheats on her. She is
heart-broken. Her friends
capture her in the fall, but
some quietly scorn with
embittered happiness. The
flow of energy in her heart
has been abruptly quieted,
and then again filled with
sadness. She relishes more
the attention from the other
boys. She even goes to
parties sometimes (as all
“hot” girls are invited to
parties), she might even
have a drink or a snort.
This, of course, might lead
to the occasional
“encounter” – as when
drunk, her desire for
connection is more freed
and less encumbered by
her social personality – the
one that keeps things
Like her, her friends are
also experimenting with
both bodies and substance.
They all grow thru the
school-girl phase together.
They go out with each
other, they frequent clubs
and bars (where they meet
the friendly-neighborhood-
PUAs) receiving massive
displays of affection, and
larger still plays for their
attention all from men they
barely know. None seem
interested in their minds or
personalities but are very
interested in what lies from
the neck down. They learn
more social skills to protect
themselves. And secretly,
they wish for an “honest
man”. Instead of that
though they dress more
flamboyantly, with more
color and pizzazz attracting
the same in reverse. These
men turn out to be,
unfortunately, the men they
secretly wish to avoid. Yet,
that is all they find. Our
dearest one even finds
herself giving it all away,
but only on occasion. Yet
she loves the affection,
and the faux-connection
that the nightlife brings. It
also satisfies another need
– the one that has been
growing along with her
body all these years – that
need for attention and
stimulation. Lights, men,
drinks, music all contribute
to a huge flow of positive
emotion to her which are so
vital to her happiness and
But, why are there no good
men? She wonders…
This is the crossroads. How
does she, the hottie,
reconcile her need for
attention and how her body
& appearance continually
delivers that AND her
innate human need for real
love and intimacy. She must
change – but does she?
There is a middle ground,
but it requires more depth
and intelligence. Often, it is
pain (from broken
relationships, or a broken-
heart) as the key to this
new depth and intelligence.
She must learn ways to
fend-off the losers, and
attract the real men. But
there is a price for this
Like men, the real power
comes when she learns
what she really wants and
not what her parents or
culture demand for her. She
(we) must begin to know
herself in a new way.
For men, we constantly
sneak glances at women,
we fantasize about having
them sexually, we make
subtle (or not) plays for
their affection. But, as far
as getting past our own
surfaces, we make little
effort to as our desire at
the shallow end of the pool
is for sex & validation
mostly. The “hottie’s” might
desire attention at the
shallow end. Thus the
mating dance begins. At the
deepest point though, we
both want love.
For her, and for us, to
attract someone whom we
can trust and develop with,
we must head for the deep
end. 3lvo


43 thoughts on “EVOLUTION OF A “HOTTIE” 2

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