TYPES OF LOVE

Epithumia: Is of Greek origin
and is a love based on a
strong desire of many
sorts. Many times it is
associated with lust or
sometimes to covet. While
epithumia love can draw
couples closer together it
can also be divisive as it
can lead to an
uncontrollable desire to
have or to own. We often
hear on this forum from
people who desperately try
and draw a spouse back
after they have become
detached from the marriage.
The efforts can be
overwhelming to the
retreating spouse as
epithumia love can be seen
as controlling. Epithumia
love can also nurture
strong bonds in a couple if
they both experience it
especially in a sexual
context. To mutually desire
each other sexually and to
engross themselves in love
making that is driven both
by desire and selflessness
in pleasing each other.
Epithumia love is a double
edged sword and is most
likely manifested in a
positive manner in the
early stages of a
relationship.
Eros: This the love most
associated with romance. It
is that head-over-heals
feeling we get when a
relationship moves forward.
Your world and mind circles
about your loved one and
they are always on your
mind. You strive for time
together romantically. It is
manifested in poetry, words
of affirmation, love making,
that special look in the
eyes.…. A feeling that you
could not be happy in life
without their companionship
and love. Eros love is
wholly emotional and cannot
be summoned at will. Sadly
while most of us have
experience eros love in
our lives it is not
sustainable. Most experts
estimate that it will only last
18 – 24 months in the best
of relationship before the
relationship moves on to
another form of love. While
eros love is not
sustainable, it can cycle in
and out of a relationship
over its course.
Storge: (Also Greek) Storge
love is often described as
a comfortable old shoe
relationship comprised of
natural affection and a
sense of belonging to each
other. Storge love
represents a safe haven
for couples as it is a place
of acceptance, mutual
respect and shelter. Many
couple dwell in storge love
for years and
misunderstand it as
mundane or boring. But in
effect it is a very safe
place but can simply lack
that spark we seek. It can
also serve as the moat
around your marriage
protecting it from outside
forces and allow the other
types of loves to dwell and
flourish. Storge love can
co-exist with other types
of love and can be likened
to a foundation made up of
trust and safety.
Phileo: This love cherishes
and has tender affection
for the beloved but it
expects a response. It is a
love of relationship,
comradeship, sharing,
communication and
friendship. While eros
makes lovers phileo makes
a close companionship that
is all trusting. They share
each other’s thoughts,
feelings, attitudes, plans
and dreams. They confide
in each other the most
intimate secrets, fears and
needs that they would not
share with another. A
marriage without phileo will
be unsatisfactory no matter
the passion in the bedroom.
Agape: Many have heard
me speak of agape love in
several posts over the last
year. Agape love is of
particular significance to
marriages in troubled
waters, especially if one
partner has disconnected.
To love agapely is to love
your spouse completely,
love them wholly, but
expect nothing in return
from them at the current
time. Agape love is different
from eros love in that it is
not sexual, nor romantic in
nature. Its nature is that of
self sacrifice but is not
unconditional. You can love
your spouse completely and
still have boundaries and
maintain your self respect.
Agape love is also different
from the other kinds of
love in that you can choose
it. You can elect to love
your spouse this way
because it is what is best
for your family and
marriage. It is a giving of
yourself for the betterment
of the marriage. Agape love
can help you to “protect”
yourself emotionally during
difficult times as you love
your spouse but expect
nothing in return. Many I
talk to have difficulty in
trying to apply this type of
love but if the marriage is
in trouble and the detached
spouse still cares for you
but is in danger of leaving
agape love can do wonders
both for you and the
marriage.
These loves can come and
go in a marriage. I would
venture to say I have
experienced them all in my
20+ year marriage. They
can also intertwine with
each other to form a
stronger bond. By
understanding the kinds of
love that can exist might
help in determining where
you are in your relationship
and where you might want
to be. Hopefully this will
give some insight into how
they might get there.

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